Not only are we left wondering, as we look at these things, where they go, but more precisely HOW we are to put these things on without:
a) falling over and maiming ourselves because we knock ourselves silly from not being able to react as one of our feet is bound up behind our back
b) causing serious damage to tender parts of our anatomy because we so cannot judge the actual "size" before purchase, therefore causing us to attempt to wrap a small rubber band around a basketball.
Not being prepared for thongs can be especially damaging to both one's self-image, and one's physical attributes.
Case in point, panty liners. Yes, I know they make them for thongs, but having just picked some up on a whim, had only regular panty liners.
This does not work.
Obviously, they are shaped differently. This causes stickage problems.
And yet, people get brazilian waxes all the time. Why? But, I digress...
Thongs move. And rub. And chafe. In an area that is fairly tender to begin with. Seriously. Take a piece of material, doesn't matter how soft, and rub it back and forth in the crack of your ass. It WILL cause rug burn because you are NOT supposed to have material that close to the inside of your ass. And as you move and bend and lean over, it tugs and not only do you get rug burn in your ass line, you nearly sever yourself in two at your vagina because if they were too stretchy, they would fall off. Have you ever worn them, leaned forward in your chair at work to speak with someone, and try to not scare them with the contortions on your face at the sudden, searing pain in your ASS? How do you even come up with ANY explanation that is believable? "Oh, I pulled a muscle. IN MY ASS CRACK."
Nutbush City Limits
And if you ARE bald as a cue ball, and have had any children, the baby pooch WILL strain the limits, resembling tapioca pudding being shit around a sparkly diaper. It's a sight you can only truly appreciate by seeing it in full daylight in your mirror. But don't worry; there's still therapy.
Ok, as we age, our "luv" muscles don't work as well as they once did. Ever sneezed suddenly? Laughed uncontrollably? Had to "poot?" Any of the above causes liquid seepage from one side or the other. Either way, there is not enough material to contain any of it. You might consider this as a swaying factor in whether or not you will wear them. Seriously, if there's nothing to catch it, where does it go? Right. It starts soaking through your clothes. Women over the age of 25, or anyone who have had 2 or more children, beware.
Ladies, I believe in education and information. Consider this not so much a warning as a public service announcement. It's all about you. So, will I ever wear them again? Sure. After losing 80 pounds, a tummy tuck, and Hell freezes over. Then again, the Eagles DID get back together...