06 July 2007

Strike 2 -- and I HATE baseball...

We've been speaking. And another quick visit. To the same end. How does one "try too hard" to please someone? I have my own thoughts, opinions, feelings. I'm not a doormat, but I don't walk around burning my bras and I DO like to have someone open a door for me.

Don't get me wrong, I like being independent. Knowing that I can change a tire or handle a crisis is a good feeling. Striking a balance that's attractive enough to not intimidate or turn someone off is a difficult objective. Just once in awhile, it sure would be nice to have someone around who makes me feel like a woman and not just a lump. My kids are at that age... they need me when they need something, or if something they can't handle comes along. Not much, since I raised them to be independent as well. Soon it will be the empty nest for me, and while I'm looking forward to some of the freedoms I've put aside for the sake of being a parent, I'm sure the "lost" feeling will come as well.

I'm a traditional kind of person. I have always wanted the family, the home, the one true love, the secure comfort of knowing someone is there, loving, waiting and wanting to be with me. This seems to have gone by the wayside. I've found that they ("they" being the men I've had the pleasure/displeasure of being around) want either their mother (to wait on them hand and foot), their sister (someone to pal around with, but not involve themselves emotionally or physically) or a fuck-buddy (someone to involve themselves with physically, but not emotionally or to pal around with). Or a frickin' barbie doll. Don't even get me started on that. If you weigh 105 pounds and can speak in almost complete sentences, you're in. If you weigh more than that, but have a brain, you're "not attractive". Never mind that you are faithful, trustworthy, loyal, kind-hearted, passionate and genuinely interested in knowing the deeper person. But hey, least I have a sense of humor to get me through. yee frickin haw.

So back to the "trying too hard"; forgive me, I thought if you were part of a couple you made an effort to spend time together when you can, be responsive and not passive during intimate moments, and take an interest in what the other thinks, feels, wants. If not, let me know, because I sure have been wasting a lot of time in my past relationships. God knows it hasn't left me feeling completely fulfilled and satisfied. And rejection can only be gotten over so many times before the mind shuts off the heart and body.

So I've cried. Once. And I'm done. If you are not enough of a man to stand behind what you've said to me, then I know that you will not be enough of a man to stand beside me when I need it most. Don't tell me you love me constantly for months on end, to have it abruptly stop, then be intermittent. Either you do or you don't. I don't have the patience for the games, and I no longer enjoy the drama of my youth. It wasn't much fun then; I was just too young and stupid to realize that every moment of every day did NOT have to be a scene from a soap opera. It's less fun now. So, do what you need to do, and what will be will be...
state the obvious, i didn't get my perfect fantasy
i realized you love yourself more than you could ever love me
so go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
that's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay...
and by the way
i hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive
you're a redneck heartbreak who's really bad at lyin'
so watch me strike a match on all my wasted time
as far as i'm concerned, you're just another picture to burn...
~~~T Swift


George said...

Very well said Miss B ... I am sorry for all the time you have spent looking for the one and coming up empty. Don't give up though ... he's there someplace ... after all, they say everybody in this world has a twin, so mine must be out there someplace. LOL

Good weekend

Miss B said...

Hi George ~ :)

Ahh, but I found my lobster once... I don't know that I could ever love anyone that deeply again. If there's anything better than that one out here, I'd simply explode from sheer happiness.

btw, this one was great, but not the "one"... i bitch, but i liked him. the tears were more for the time spent now gone. one day i may talk of him, but it's not yet time...

enjoy your weekend as well, hon.