09 May 2007

2 for 1 - Online Dating takes a Humorous Turn...

Ahh, yes. The hope. The excitement. The possibility of someone.

The crock of shit that it really is; the waste of time and effort.

And yet, I




Must torture myself because where in the hell else am I going to find this much fodder for fun-poking within the confines of my own home? Really.

2 Dates this week... seriously. I've been busy with my schoolwork, getting my oldest through proms and graduation, spring cleaning. It's easy to be too busy to be available. If I'm not going to be a hermit, I have to get out of the house. So I decide to go ahead and do the meet-n-greet thing.

So, after "talking" with a couple fellas online for several weeks, chat, one on the phone, I decide, ok-enough. Let's just meet them so we can get the whole Barbie-doll drama shit outta the way. I'm not trying that hard right now, but I am making an effort to keep in practice talking to the opposite sex so that when Mr Wonderful, Right and All That's Love in My World comes along, I'll still be able to hold a decent conversation.

Let me introduce you to the Wonder Twins... we'll call them Yyyeeep and Blah... and I'll tell you about my fun days at the lake...

Ahh... good ol' country boy (ain't nothin' wrong with that... you get a fella from the south who says 'uhhh-huh' in the right way and I will follow that boy home, make him porkchops, mashed taters and gravy and homemade biscuits right before I give him some big ol' lovin'.) Oh now, come on... Girls, ya'll know what I'm sayin', don'tcha? Any one of ya'll who's heard it KNOWS what I'm talkin' about! *wink*

Anyhow, I meet up with Yyyeeeep Sunday afternoon at the lake. I got there first (advantage: mine... he couldn't see what vehicle I was in, which way I came from - I however, knew the minute he pulled in, what he drove, where he came from.) We spent about 20 minutes just kind of talkin' about the weather, the waves on the lake and the birds hovering around the people who were out on the walkway. *yawn* We had a much better conversation on the phone and computer.

We decided to drive to the other side of the lake where the wind wouldn't be so bad or cold. So I follow him around, and we take off walking down one of the walkways, past the inlets where people were fishin'. It was about 68, sunny, breezy and as we walked, he kept givin' me sideglances, telling me I'm too quiet and goin', "yyyyeeeep" (like Hank Hill on that cartoon show King of the Hill.) Ugh. Stop for a rest in a little area, settin' on a fence. Little better at the chit-chat, but not much. Just had this kinda crawly feeling that another time, another place I might have not been safe. Thankfully there were lots of people milling around within yelling distance, and we weren't far off the beaten path. As we are moving back to the main path, I pull back a branch and tease like I'm going to let it go at him. He laughs and as I turn to go under another branch, I feel him grab my hair and (playfully-I think, it's the hair thing, people just touch it) tug a bit. Now, I'm all for a little fun hair-pullin' at the right moments, but not when we've just met, and definitely NOT when I'm not feeling 100% safe.

So we get back to the vehicles (of which I've memorized the plate-did I tell ya I left his name, phone number, and address at the house in case something happened? My daughter knew that if she didn't hear from me in by a certain time, to start makin' phone calls~I'm tellin' ya ladies, protect yourselves. It's easy to pull up info... If you don't know how to do this, contact me and I will teach you) and he's kinda pacing nervously(to me) back and forth, over to his vehicle, and back to standing in front of me.

Finally, after a really long hour and 12 minutes, we say our goodbye and move our own ways... strange, unsettling, uncomfortable.


Blah Blah Blah

Monday evening, guy number 2... heh. Nice guy; we chat and email a lot during the day. Talk of all sorts of things. The mutual interests are there. The non-mutual ones are tolerable. As always, the talk turns towards sexual. I banter it away without too much issue, and he's still interested. Good. So he decides he wants to come up and meet me (about 30 mi away.) We had tentative plans to meet in a couple weeks when all the drama of the high school crap for my daughter is over-but that's ok, I don't mind a bit of spontaneity. Again with the information left at home, I head out to the lake. (It seems to work... everyone is a cheap-ass and wants to meet before deciding if they want to spend the time/money/effort on a "date".) WTF ever. Really. What's a couple hours of your time to see if there's something beyond the skin? Anyhow, I digress...

Again, I'm there a bit early, although I already knew what type car he drove. He rolls up, we get out, say "hi." He looks mostly like his picture, acts a bit nervous. We sit down by the water and start a bit of general chit-chat, get through the first couple minute jitters. Our conversation flows pretty easily, as did the chats/emails. Good. Like a man who can hold more of a conversation than "get me a beer" or "hey baby, wanna"? The first 5-10 minutes are moving along smoothly. And then...

The subject turns to the politics of the day. Interesting. I'm not a very political creature. I'm just now starting to follow and understand some things. It's cool; to each their own, right? Heh. He's off on a left-wing rampage about the President, the war, the economy, etc. etc. I'm just taking it in, making a few comments here and there (again, uneducated opinion is not my bag.) Then I get slammed for being one of "those independents." Oh, this is good. We've spent 15 minutes together and I've been insulted once.

Getting restless, we decide to walk a bit over to the picnic area. This is cool. He's "calmed down" and we're just chitchatting amiably. I believe in agreeing to disagree and moving on. It's what makes the world go round. So the conversation is running, we're laughing, then it flows into Religion. Now, I wasn't raised right, but I wasn't raised rude. Polite conversation does not include Politics and Religion in mixed company. I'm thinking a first meeting/date is NOT the place to bring those to the forefront. I'm kind of taken aback at the conversation and I am at a point where I'm not going to sit quietly.

I start making a comment in answer to one of his statements and he waves his hand in the air and says, "blah blah blah" and then on with his statement. Yes he did. I kept my mouth from dropping, but I couldn't stop the eyebrow from going up as I looked at him and said, "Blah, blah, blah??? You're discounting what I'm saying without hearing it in entirety?" He finally came down off his high horse long enough to realize that he'd pissed me off. Told me to continue. By then I was done; I just told him it wasn't worth arguing over. He did mention that he knew you weren't supposed to discuss politics/religion, he shouldn't have brought them up. Ya think? Fucknut.

So we said our goodbyes, and I went on home to work on my homework (which is where my ass shoulda stayed, anyway.) I didn't log into the chat program, but within 40 minutes of leaving his company, I did receive an email apologizing for interrupting me and not letting me finish my side. As it should be. blah blah blah.
Needless to say, the search continues...
Tater, honey, you don't happen to have a single twin, do ya? ;) *sigh*
Miss B


Anonymous said...

Why actually I do have a twin; would you like to meet her? ;-)

Just kidding, ‘fraid I only have 3 sisters, was the only boy. One sister was only a year younger than I and folks for years thought we were twins. Have pics from back then and we certainly do look like it, but no twin.

I must say I enjoyed this post. Hope you’re not offended but your descriptions cracked me up. Don’t know what I’d do if I wound up single again, not too concerned about divorce, and sure hope a tragedy never happens, but hypothetically I’m not sure if I’d go the on-line route. On the surface it seems like a great idea, would allow you to meet similarly minded folks in your area w/o leaving your house or hanging out in single bars etc. But whenever I hear of someone actually engaging in it, it seems like it never works. ‘Course it’s not a topic I’ve done any research on, just seems that way based on the few folks I know who’ve tried it (you included).

Still makes for some funny stories, although I hope I’m not laughing at your pain! I guess I shouldn’t laugh as I’d prolly make one lousy date myself, heck I haven’t been on one (other than my wife) since somewhere around ‘82/83. Would be MORE THAN a bit rusty!!! Oh well, at least I could laugh at myself as I stumbled through the motions.

Take care Miss B,


Miss B said...

tater, you little sweetie, that was just plain cold-hearted! lmao

not offended at all, dear... it's all about sharing the humor in everyday life. in case you haven't seen them, there are more fun dating endeavors in my "Misadventures in Love" section...

I'm not one to hang out in bars; a proper lady does not go into one alone. My friends are all married, so getting them to go out is difficult. When they do, they talk about their kids, their husbands, their lives. blah. Not there, can't relate. I love them, but my kids are raised. I'm beyond that part of it. Anyhow... it IS difficult to meet people these days...

I pray you will never have to find out what it's like to be old and alone.

And, if you find a fella worth mentioning, let me know, will ya buddy? ;)

miss b

Pixie said...

He said, "blah, blah, blah"?


OMFG - you want I should KILL him?

Good gravy, girl.

Come to Arizona and we'll move somewhere else together.



Miss B said...

Pixie, doll, I kid you not... the man waved his hand in the air and said the words, "blah, blah, blah."

He is no longer a consideration... but thanks babygirl! good to know ya got my back! ;)

Less than a month and I can go anywhere... it's awful tempting...

Gawd knows I've exhausted my search around these here parts... lol

Pixie said...

Well let's go! You can drive a truck, I can cut hair. I say let's get a bitchin' mobile hair salon going and home school the Bean and hit the farookin' road for REALITY!

I also say... give me his e-mail addy - I'll chat him up and "blah blah blah" his sorry ass.


I love you.

(meds. heh)

Miss B said...

girlfriend... stellar idea! ahh, the things we can teach Bean... lol...

umm, the email would be: fknfrtloop@dumbass.dic... ;)

love you.
heh... aren't they great???