01 October 2008

help! i've fallen...

and i looked like a class 'A' dumbass doin' it...


i'm on my way up to the fax machine to fax some invoices, reviewing them as i go. next thing i know, i'm airborne, with one of the office ladies yelling, "Oh my God!"

i'm on all fours, trying to figure out wtf just happened, and there's a group of front office people standing around me.

"Are you alright? Did you hit your head? Can you stand up? It sure looked like you hit your head. Just sit there for a few minutes."

so I sat. because my fat ass frickin' hurt. apparently I caught the edge of the mat with my sandal, propelled forward and (without dropping the invoices, I might add *smirk*) somehow managed to get my right arm up in front of me just a split second before i would have went head-first into the brass handle on a wooden cabinet door. of course, this stopped me dead in my flight, and gravity took over. from there, it was straight down onto both bent knees. nice. i'm just thinking to myself, "don't pass out, dipshit, you're on your period and you do NOT want to deal with waking up in the hospital knowing someone had to undress you in the ER. yea. this is my luck.

meanwhile, one of the office guys (who's a huge prankster) went in to the HR/Safety guy's office and told him i fell. he said, "yea, ok."

background: for the last month i have been tripping over the rugs in the office like crazy. for some reason the edges bubble up and i must have bubble-magnets in all my shoes. usually i just skip a step or two and i'm good. of course, i always tell the HRS guy i nearly killed myself and i should write up a first incident report of injury. he just laughs.

not today. today he tells me later he wasn't even going to come out when he heard it was me. he figured i put the prankster up to it and it took the prankster telling him, "no i'm serious" before he would come out of his office. he comes up front, sees me still sitting on the floor, and STILL thinks we're screwing with him.

mmm--kay... now i just want to get through this mortifying moment where everyone in the tri-county area has come up to see who got hurt, go back to my desk and lick my wounds. pride tastes like shit, btw. HRS guy says we need to fill out a report. i just look at him and ask him why bother this time?

so i hobbled back to my desk where i could feel everything starting to seize up in the air conditioning. fabulous. i'm trying to figure out how to gracefully put my left boob BACK into my bra without anyone noticing - yea, i went forward so fast and hard, i came out of my bra. oh for the love of all that's holy, just frickin' shoot me.

my boss was extremely upset. he was on the phone and didn't get to see it happen. asswipe. he said now that they knew i wasn't seriously injured that they were glad i wasn't hurt.

i told him, "so, what you're saying is you're glad i didn't get hurt because who would be here to do the shit work?"

"well, yea."

ugh. i was starting to feel it, and i was getting grumpy. no ot for me tonight. i was straight outta there at 5 o'clock.

on the upside, i got a fabulous haircut last night. nothing like a little salon pampering with christian to make a bad day better. he was amused by my story, made all the better because he kept dropping stuff.. 2 combs, a bottle of something else. we were picking on each other pretty good. heh.

then junior comes be-boppin in from college classes, and muscles in on my haircut time. hel-looo, you two... don't be talking about her haircolor strategy and cut options... this is about me. mememememe.

we finish up and head out into the mall, looking fabulous, of course. over to the pretzel place to grab a quick bite and sit and chat for a few minutes to catch up on the week... it was a very cool moment.

this morning, however, it was not so cool. my knee hurts so bad, i couldn't turn over in bed, and when i tried to get up this morning to use the bathroom, i ended up on all fours trying to figure out how i was going to get my silly ass up so i didn't pee myself in the middle of the floor. i've got a not-so-sexy limp now, and if i sit for any length of time, my knee locks. great. another day in paradise...

ms b rawks, but she don't roll no more. she just lays like a lump. :(

1 comment:

Wien. said...

Go get it checked. Use workman's comp. if you need to. Then have someone take out all those dumb rugs, OR duct tape down all the bubbles. That'll show 'em.

Congrats on the new do. I need one too.