27 September 2008

Where Was I?

Oh yea.



For two days, I have had limited contact with the "real" world. (As opposed to my daily non-contact with the real world.) I was buried in spreadsheets at work, trying to maintain the daily stuff, prepare the data for the upgrade, forecast and follow my schedule while being subjected to others' pig-headed non-action, and listening to my boss's inane ramblings of personal crap.

Yep, I'm in a swing where it's safer for humanity if I just stay away from everyone. The low end is near when my sense of humor disappears. Most days I am witty, amusing, verbose. These days I just let people know "I'm foul." They usually back away slowly, and have learned to not jest with me on these days. What would normally be fodder for good back-and-forth verbal sparring becomes the basis for those "Are you fucking serious?" looks and occasional acid remarks spoken in passing. Even I am amazed at my lack of usual patience with people.

Ugh. I hope it lifts soon. I believe it will; the sense of humor reared its ugly head this afternoon. One of the rail hotties (my age group, yes, married, 3 really adorable little girls, blah blah blah) was in talking to my boss today about which trailers needed loaded and was asking about where he could get some firewood. His brother is in town tonight (on short leave-they are both NG) and he wanted to have a bonfire and enjoy the evening.

"I just need enough wood for one night."

Yea. I know. I must be coming back around because I could. not. help. myself. I didn't even look up from my keyboard.

"Me too."

Now, this fella has pretty much the same crude sense of humor as I. He was dyin'.

"Um, I'm thinking in your case, plastic will do. Rubber?"

"Hell, wax at this point."

He was talking about it back in the scale room later when I was in there. "Hope ya find enough wood for the weekend." This prompted a comment from the not-so-professional Office Manager. *sigh*


So anyhow... where was I?

Software upgrade. Live date: December 1. Did I mention that this particular operation is precariously supported by a few well-designed (tyvm) spreadsheets, and bookkeeping software that is as old as my youngest girl? Seriously. It's DOS based. If you don't know what that is, you are far too young to be reading this blog. My boss doesn't want to "fix what's not broken," so is passively-aggressively stalwarting my efforts to pull this off on time, in budget. Meanwhile, I'm triple-entering everything to keep up, plus cleaning up the customer files, the accounts receivables, and the directions. He enters a dozen loads into the spreadsheet and acts like I should kiss his ass for doing what he should be doing in the first place.

Argh. The last two days, I have had difficulty being pleasant with him.
Background: The company is family-owned by mom/dad/3 brothers/1 sister, yet extremely well-run. He is one of the brothers. No one in the family has ever been divorced. Strong family, everyone pitches in, helps each other, blah blah blah. Well, over the last few months, he and his wife have been not getting along so well. She's bi-polar, and dealing with some painful past issues. He's a chauvinistic pig who thinks he should be waited on hand and foot. After 22 years of dealing with being the perfect wife, perfect mom, and perfect daughter-in-law, she's finally breaking.

Example: He told someone in the office that after she had their third child, he brought her into the office because she needed to go back to work because she was getting fat. He said he was joking. Now, after child number four, she has a figure that I would be happy to have. She's a very pretty lady. He is a toad.

So, he's been very quiet about the situation lately. Last week on Monday, she left him, so he took the rest of the week off. He came into work Friday afternoon in shorts and sandals, talking about how he'd cleaned the house, did laundry, worked out, took a nap, and was running errands, and it was no big deal.

Um, yea fucknut. But you also took 4 vacation days, and did nothing else. Here's a thought. Do all that AND work full time AND have 4 children to run after AND have someone expect to be waited on by you hand and foot AND have someone that wants you to have sex every night after they tell you how worthless you are AND know that same someone talks trash about you at work in front of strangers and family.

I can't believe she stayed this long. Supposedly they're "working it out." Now, I don't advocate divorce, unless there's abuse. Of course, from the perspective of a divorced person, I suppose it's easier looking in from the outside. What I see is that "it's all her fault, and I shouldn't have to change because I am man and therefore right." *beating of chest* yak. But really, I don't want to hear about it. I don't. It's not that I don't feel for him. Being in a bad marriage is difficult. I do not want to be perceived as being "a friend" *wink wink nod nod* because that drama I do not need. It's not that I don't care - usually I care too much and I have been trying to distance myself from unhealthy boundaries - but I don't. care. Just help me get this company into the 21st century. This is about me. Me me me. I will probably never be married again. So your "poor me" attitude about having someone around to share the burdens of life, talk to when good or bad things happen, knowing they are there for everything, not just being fuckbuddies just doesn't sit well with me.

*pity rant on*
Apparently I am one of those people who lotsa people think are cool for various reasons, fun to hang with, fuckable, but not a long-term prospect. I don't want "friends." I have enough friends.
*pity rant off*

So where was I?

Oh yea. On top of the software upgrade comes a major bid process for one of the customers. This bid is to be done online and through the internet - final date 10-28. Yep, you got it. Right smack in the middle of the software upgrade. So, of course, I am doing the major work in formatting, because my boss is computer illiterate. He has no concept. My deadline is coming up, and he needs to get me some numbers, but he has this attitude with this company because everything has to be their way, and he should just tell them to go screw themselves... yada yada yada.

STFU and get me my numbers so we don't lose the lanes simply because you're pissy.


where was I? Oh yea, project number 3... setting up invoicing with same major company via EDI. Well, quasi EDI. I have to update our load spreadsheet. Key in this information to the invoicing software to generate an invoice, and then transfer this information to a spreadsheet layout to email to an intermediary company who then formats it and sends it EDI. So, I'm actually doing more work than I did before, but now saving two pieces of paper, an envelope and 42 cents postage for each invoice to this one company. Help me out here.


Classes. Ahhh, sweet learning. Intellectual stimulation. Enjoying my cyber warfare class, but struggling to keep up-why I don't know. I love this stuff.

Excelling at my History of Native American class-why I don't know. I apparently love this stuff more than I thought I would.

16 week classes condensed into 8. Once those end, 2 more begin for the final 8 weeks of the semester. All spring and summer I fought with Financial Aid to get my information in so I could take classes while I wasn't busy. Now, I can't get any busier, and here we are. Chaos as normalcy.

Miss Pickle is doing well... considering. She's busy. Senior year. 3 College level classes, band, choir, show-choir, 2 part time jobs, boyfriend in the Navy. Okay, he's a recruit, graduation 10-24, THEN he'll be in the Navy.

Her father is still a putz.

Her aunt got married last weekend. I've known this woman since she was about 2. (She's 13 years younger than I.) I was invited before the court drama unfolded. Of course, both my daughters are in the wedding, so why not?

I actually had a date for this wedding. I know, crazy. Had being the operative. Something unavoidable came up mid-week, and I was then dateless. I did not have the heart or the energy to search out a replacement. Which was fine, because I got to sit with my oldest girl's pre-fiancee, but more on that later.

I show up at the church where Pickle's father and I had planned at one time to get married. The same church where the last time I set foot in it, I was attending someone else's wedding, and was 3 1/2 months pregnant with my oldest. I thought it would bother me more. Hell, I thought it would bother me. I'm seeing a few familiar faces. Names are not coming to me. I sit in the pew next to Ace (the oldest girl's man) and we start chatting. I point out certain key people to him; he tells me how he's been there since noon and it's been a really long day, and about the rehearsal dinner.

This is good. At the rehearsal, Pickle's dad is overheard telling someone that he doesn't understand why she is singing at the wedding. She's ok, but not that good. *urge to slug* What a dick. She sounded fantastic! Everyone was amazed. Even I, as much as I hear her, am awed every time I see her perform. He was talking to his girlfriend and playing with his son the whole time. Jackass. What I thought was strange was that none of them were actually watching her. (I was sitting two rows behind them.) I found out later, why.

At school, Pickle talked to one of her brothers last week. Apparently he made mention of it at home, and was bitched at for an hour and told not to talk to her. So now, he doesn't talk to her at school. She has been ostracized by her father because she chose to live with me for the last year of high school. So the other kids are not allowed to have any contact with her whatsoever. No speaking, nothing. How is that healthy? I don't have anything to do with the brothers, but I've always encouraged her relationship with them. The sins of the parents should not be taken out of the child.

So we're watching everyone walk up the aisle. Her dad has a rather large bald spot now. I told Ace that Jackass had told me once that if I got fat he'd divorce me, and I told him if he went bald I'd divorce him. I laughed and said I'd saved myself the whole problem by not marrying him in the first place.

We were so inappropriate. Making fun of people, giggling. I had a lot of fun at this wedding. How many times to you hear someone say THAT?

The ushers (Jackass and another family member) were to unroll the carpet for the bride. They grabbed the strings, and nothing. So they had to lean over and push it. They both got up, red-faced and decided that they were going to kick it down the aisle. However, this had to be done lop-sided because both of them together were wider than the aisle. So one would kick, the other would move ahead and kick, etc etc. Graceful.

The bride was beautiful. :) The dresses were elegant. The ring bearers looked like little mafia hitmen. Then outside to blow bubbles at the couple. I saw a few faces of people I hadn't seen in almost 20 years. It was difficult to place some of them, because apparently I have aged better than I thought. They all knew me. I had to keep repeating, "So sorry, the face is familiar, but the name escapes me."

Off to the reception hall. Tastefully decorated. Floating candles, which Ace managed to extinguish when he bumped the table. So we moved. Same scenario. I was not moving again. We dried out the candles and re-lit them. Ace was stellar. Ran interference for me when we were in line for the buffet and had to go right past Jackass' table. Went and got me drinks so I wouldn't have to go past them. He did good.

And then, ugh, they were calling out the single women to catch the boquet. I stood back by the entrance and just waited for the show to pass. And then... the frickin' groom came walking towards me, and dragged me out onto the floor. Bastard. Upside, my oldest girl caught the boquet. Of course, I had no chance because 1) she was blocking and tackling everyone in her way, and 2) kinda hard to catch when you are standing with feet planted, arms firmly at the side, and backing away as the flowers are thrown.

Well, even more fun. Ace caught the garter. Nice. So I stood by as Ace had to put the garter ON Junior in front of the whole hall. After we got back to the table I told him he better marry her after taking that liberty with her in front of all those people. He laughed and said he was sure it was a setup.

Well, the bride and groom got pleasantly drunk, lost their keys, and somehow my Jeep ended up carrying a lot of the stuff back to the parents' house. ??? Yea, Jackass and family left after about an hour. We were there 'til cleanup. So, I'm doing what he and his girlfriend should have been doing, helping out with cleanup and transporting of crap. He had to take one of the boys to Homecoming. Everyone was pissed about that. When Pickle wanted to go, she had to find her own way. They just don't get why he treats her this way. I do. I'm her mother. If his ex-wife were the mother, it would be different. Ahh well. To this day, he has not once called and asked her to come over or told her she was still welcome. He calls the family, asks them if they've seen her, and wants to know why she isn't coming to visit. Dumbass.

It ended well. I helped carry stuff into the house, organize the tuxes/shoes, put the dogs out, and then finally I got home around 13o. I had several friends of the ex's parents tell me I looked good, and they were glad I was well. Haha bitches. You didn't think I would be anything, and that I was gutter trash and unworthy of Jackass' name. Hmmm. And how lovely that my children grew up beautiful and healthy and responsible, and that I'm capable of taking care of myself and he's... not. Who's not worthy? So go home and choke on that for a few days.

mm mmm mmmm.... foul.

So here I am in the wee hours of the morning, blogging, because,
"not good enough, soldierette.
If I can be nagged into updating... well...
Let's go...
:) "

btw, rsm, I did not NAG you to update. I simply encouraged you awhile back to let your loyal readers know what was happening in your busy life because your stories are always so well told, and have great insight and meaning. Mine are pretty much just bitching and ranting. :)

All kidding aside, folks... to my loyal readers (all four of you) thanks for the messages. I'm ok. It could be worse... I could be living in a camper... ;)



~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ said...

My beautiful friend.

I love you so much... even (maybe especially) when you are foul.

You put into words what I would simply stand and shriek, red faced and melt-down bound.

You rawk sister.

rsm said...


I win.


Miss B said...

pixie ~ thx dude... ur so hawt! and i am much more entertaining when i am foul... go figure. i should just be bitchy all the time...

shut up mr m.

rsm ~ *hug* the very fact that you THINK you won makes me the winner... but go with that... *grin*

Wien. said...

Sheesh, you are busy. Thank for taking time to fill us in.