28 July 2008

Life is a Journey...

and only you hold the map.

This is splayed across the rear window of the awesome jeep. I can read it perfectly in my rear-view mirror. It's a constant reminder that we make our way; that I am in charge of where I go.

So why did I spend so long going nowhere? Why did I think I had to answer to people who have no control over my life? For what reason did I worry so much about what other people would think or do? They don't give a shit about me, or what I would think or do.



I'm getting that old, familiar feeling. You know the one. The need to move on and explore; to go places, meet people, have adventures. The restless one. The scary one that usually means something is up ahead.

I am not accountable to anyone but me. This both excites and infuriates me. It's cool; I can do what I want, go where I want, see whomever. I answer to no one. It's sad. No one cares where I go, what I do, or with who I spend my time.

Do I want to answer to someone? Meh. The right someone, sure. If it's the right someone, the pieces are there. You don't "have" to account for yourself because the lives mesh. Do I want someone to care about where I go, or what I do? Meh. Sure would be nice to know someone was interested. It's not so much that I'm tired of being alone - I'm not. I'm pretty self-sufficient, and I already know I can take care of myself. I can entertain myself - and not just THAT way, thankyouverymuch.

Do you ever miss the closeness of having someone near? Not just a "friend", or a fuckbuddy. Someone around who knows you inside out. Calms your world just by being there. The one you can feel enter the room, and zero in on instantly. The one with whom you can share your deepest, darkest fears, and not be judged. The one who holds you because they just love holding you.

That's the someone I want. The one with which I don't have to finish sentences. The one with whom I can read minds. Feel when they're not there.

I have half the map. Who has the other?


~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ said...

The one that will pop out of no where when you least expect it... the one who may be right under your nose...

trust me on this.


Tater said...

Sorry Dawlin,

Gave up maps back in the '90s, have been navigating on GPS ever since! LOL

Don't take me too serious as I'm out in Utah for a coupla weeks and I've been partying with the boys for more than few hours (and beers!) Good new is I'm in a hotel therefore don't have work filters prohibiting me from your blog! So at least for the next coupla weeks I can chime in!

Anyhoo, getting away from my dear wife is pretty cool for a short time. It's the grass is greener crap. Fool around, me? NO WAY, but I'm kinda digging living on my own time line, just for a little while. So I kinda see both sides of your coin, it's really nice being own your on, with no one to answer too, but then again, I'd hate to loose my babe. Guess life will always be a compromise, no matter who you are.

Well dawlin, sure didn't answer any of your questions; but I'll just say this: If I ever loose my babe (and I sincerely pray that never happens), I'll buy myself a sail boat and literally go sailing away. Spend a few years in the Caribbean and then off to the South Pacific. Figure out what to do after that.

Plan on an invite, your call, but a gutsy move Mav!! ;-)


Miss B said...

Pixie: From your lips to someone's (ANYONE's) ears... :)

Tater: O. M. G. You're still around! Yay! Figured you were all busy with those high-ranking officials and forgot about lil ol me. Shoulda known you were out playin' in the big blue, not behavin' yourself! ;)

GPS is overrated... someone has to know how to program it! :)

We really need to appeal to a higher official - surely YOU should be allowed access to my blog. Silly military! lol

Look forward to seein' you around for a little while... and with great luck, you'll never need to go sailing off to the Carribean. (Of course, the invite would be accepted.)

How's the hangover this mornin' old man? buahahaha...

hey, btw, any other single fellows around there? oh wait, it's utah. ;) nevermind.