17 June 2008

time in a bottle...

summer is upon us, and normally the hermit that i am knows no difference. this year is different. maybe it's because the kids are nearly grown, and i know i'm going to have to fend for myself. maybe it's because i work in two different taverns on weekends and am subjected to the public - ALWAYS a fantastic realm of bullshit. maybe it's because it's just time for me to get the hell back into life. but i'm going places, doing things, with people, alone, and actually having a, shhhh, here it comes, "life".


i know. but difficult as it is, it's more difficult to believe after about 10 years of secluding myself, i'm actually doing it. kinda refreshing, in a scary, hope i don't go postal on anyone, where the hell is my prozac kinda way.


i have a confession. i've been holding out. *waits* i have not put all of my favorite blog reads on my blogroll. i've been enjoying them all to myself and for that i beg forgiveness. every time i think i'm going to do it, i get sidetracked or busy, or just lost in reading them *laugh* and i don't get the chance. so bear with me - that is one of the summer projects.

and back to school, after quibbling for 5 months with my financial aid department. oy vey - don't even ask! i am so aggravated. *breathe* september rolls round, and i'm there. woo hoo! i know; i'm a nerd. *shrugs*

kids are around for the summer - one of the last before they move off into the world. *cries* i got a little charcoal grill - the food tastes so much better! - and we've done some cookouts, hangouts, and "help mom around the house because i'm slaving over a hot grill for you" outs. parent guilt - best thing ever invented.

so much about which i want to write, so many things flying around my brain, here and gone, and just not. enough. time.

i'm tired. i'm sure i'm about to cycle because i can always feel it coming on a few weeks ahead. so hang with me folks - if i'm not around much, it's because i'm not much company to be around.

the little fella from the restaurant who joined the Army has come and gone. graduated boot camp, came home for two weeks, and is now in Korea... i just love how he was when he came back. stood taller, talked clearer, held his head up, looked you in the eye. please, god, keep him safe. he's had such a shit life until now. he's a good kid.

my other little "adopted" son Joel is now in the Sandbox. *sigh* he does NOT want us to write him or email him while he's there. *bawls* he says he needs to focus, and that's just how he rolls. please, god, keep him safe too.
hell, keep them ALL safe. except the taliban terrorist mother fuckers.

o.m.g. the little girl from the office is just about on everyone's last nerve. *waves hand* i can't even speak of it. more another time. i KNOW i was not that aggravating at 21. i was not. was not. not. notnotnotnotnot.

on the road to self-improvement. jeebus, i'm a mess. suddenly, i have lines. and grays, and *gasp* cellulitical particles forming. shoot me now. please. PLEASEfortheloveofallthat'sholyshootmyagingassNOW.

i look like a middle-aged woman. when the hell did that happen? my dad told me a few weeks ago "Wow, you look like your mom."


"Um, thanks?" shit. GREAT. (No disrespect to my mom; she's beautiful. But in her LATE 50's) HELLO.

anyhow... on the family side - we just found out that my sis-in-law has MS. That's Multiple Sclerosis. I know very little of it - all i remember is doing read-a-thon fundraisers in grade school for it. So of course I'm trying to educate myself as quickly as I can. What do you say to someone who just found this out Friday? And has 3 kids 8 and under? And is only in her mid-30's? And is married to your favorite brother? Yes, he's my only brother, but that's irrelevant. keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

dad has parkinson's. he will be moving in with me shortly. he thinks he's helping me. because of course, i told him i just can't do it without working 3 jobs. he wants to move in and "help" so i only have to work one job and enjoy myself.

buahahahaha. now wait a minute. not because he said that *squeeze* i just love him. but because all i've ever done is work. in my 87 past lives, i've defined myself by work. i've had to because of child support obligations. it's really all i've ever known. i don't know that i know HOW to enjoy my time off. what do you do with yourself besides sleep? *shakes head* it's going to take some getting used to, i'm sure.

speaking of... time to give the pillow some head *giggle* so i can get up early for, you guessed it, WORK!




Wien. said...

Be well this summer. I'll be thinking of you.


Miss B said...

Back at ya girlfriend... you enjoy yours too! It'll be over before we know it...