25 September 2007

Movin' On...

Well, the time has come. Junior is staying with Pickle's grandparents for the time being. That was one of the most difficult phone calls I've had to make.

"It's Miss B. I have a favor to ask."
"Yes." Sounding apprehensive.
"You know I wouldn't ask for anything unless I'm desperate. Can Junior stay with you for a couple months until I can find another place? She's really liking school, and I don't want her to have any interruptions. She needs to go to college."
"She's always welcome here; we've told her if she needed a place to stay she can."

These are the people who connived and kept my younger daughter from living with me. They also tried to get Junior taken from me when she was young because I didn't agree with them about their son. Water under the bridge and all, but the scars still run deep. I will never trust them completely myself again, but they have been good to Junior over the years. She'll see her sister more and hopefully mend the fences from the feud they've been in. I'm not very proud of Pickle right now. She's turned her back on her family for a boy. I suppose we all did at 17. Her painful lessons are about to begin.
Anyhow, Junior will be away from the influences of this town, around people she knows and trusts, and able to continue school. I know she will have food and heat; she will be safe. She will be closer to her classes, so she won't be on the road as long. This will be helpful when the snow flies.

We are packing this week. Everything except my clothes, makeup and my school books are going into storage. We're done. I can no longer afford to be in this place, don't have the means to get another, and I already have 2 jobs - I can't work any more than I do. My main job has a shower area that I can use. I can sleep in the jeep at night in the lot, and on the weekends I'll get a room for a night so I can get at least one good night's sleep. At least I know I won't have to worry about the kids. Then when I catch up, I can find another place.

I'll still be able to do my school work after hours at the office. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it.

I hate moving. I have moved 27 times in the last 23 years. I especially hate moving when I have nowhere to go. I'd have made a perfect military wife. I didn't want to move again unless I got married. Well, maybe NEXT time.

Tonight I watched my daughter pack. We talked for awhile and sat on the couch. She's worried about where I will go. I told her I'd be fine. She told me that if I have to sleep in my truck, she's not going. Silly girl. Like I'm going to tell her. I assured her I'd find a place. We snuggled for a bit and both dozed off; this time it was me curled up next to her.

She's in bed and I'm figuring out what I'm going to do. I don't know where I'll be after this weekend. I only know one day at a time now.

Til we meet again...

Miss B


Wien. said...

Criminey, if that's how you spell it. There has to be someplace you can crash other than in your car. I'm just shaking my head cause I'm tired and can't think right now, but wanted to reply just to let you know I'm feeling for you. Your pain as a mom, the guts it took to call Pickle's grandparents, and the sacrifices we make as parents. I'll check back in tomorrow.
Please be well and be safe.

George said...

What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get that half baked idea of sleeping in your truck completely out of your mind. There has to be some government low income housing in the area. Check that out Miss B. Please.

I have 2 spare bedrooms if you want to come stay in Canada ....

Miss B said...

Thanks for your well-wishes, Wien. We do what we have to do. The biggest plus is that I know the kids will be safe.

George, honey, I would LOVE to live up there with you... I used to go up that way 3-4 times a week - I love that area. It would, however, be quite a trek to work. Although, I could just ride with one of our drivers and come home every couple days. Customs might get a little suspicious though... :) And I have checked into low-income housing... but for that you have to be low income. I don't qualify. And they don't care if after taxes and child support I'm unable to make it. So, it's a box, a jeep, or a camper.