16 May 2007

My (Not so) Funny Valentine...

I am in love. He's sleek, shiny, covert, super-sensitive and though he's a bit pricey, he is well worth the expense. You get what you pay for; if I'm going to eat steak, it's going to be filet mignon.

He's my Valentine, and I will love him forever.

If you are like me and 1) drive too fast for proper company or 2) have to drive fast because it's ingrained in you and there is no other way to drive and 3) are not cute enough to talk your way out of a ticket, you need to meet Mr Valentine.

He lives in the Buckeye, not far from the river. And though he has lots of friends, he comes from a small family. Himself. He is not found elsewhere. I love this guy. He has a one track mind: speed. *taking a personal moment here*

Literally, I have saved over $3,000^ in tickets since I first started seeing him. He has been there with me through the brightest days, and the darkest nights. Through the cities and the vast stretches of highway, we ride along in quiet companionship. He breaks the silence only to warn me of impending danger. Damn, I love the strong, silent type.

His reach goes on for miles, his ever watchful sensors guarding me in a 360* circle. I'm so safe, so protected, so loved within his electronic grasp. He is faithful, loyal, and unwavering.

Yea, I know... "whyncha marry him?" Well, I just might! He won't cheat on me with other detectors, won't leave me when I need him most, and he'll protect me in all weather, in any area^^.

Seriously, folks... wander on over to valentine1.com and find out about him... he's suuwweet. Especially for those who, like me, do a LOT of driving.

He has been tested thoroughly by yours truly, along with Captain Crazy, side-by-side (literally-in the same vehicle sitting on the dash) against the Escort Passport. He's got more range on the X and K bands, within hundredths of a second on KA, and laser, same (not that it matters, by the time you hear it, you're toast.) Heh. I haven't even bothered with testing against the low-end Cobra models, or the other cheapass detectors you get at Radio Shack for $69.99. Save that money for the first ticket you get your first day out. He comes fully loaded with directional arrows that alert you to where the sneaky bastards are hiding, and counters for the "fake out" bears. I've been using him for 7 years now. He went with me on my first big trip to Atlanta GA, and he has remained with me through every backwoods, podunk, hick town in between.

^based on the average cost of $385 per ticket not given because of advance warning and ability to slow down or otherwise maneuver, court fees, and attorney fees to reduce or eliminate given tickets. Also, the headache of having points on your license for 3 years (mine is finally completely clean!) is gone.

^^not legal in all states. (Not that there aren't ways around it.) Know your laws;know your area.


Anonymous said...

I've thought about getting one of these from time to time, but seeing as my last ticket was in 1987, it just doesn't seem worth while.

As I've mentioned before, anything under 500mph or so seems slow to me, so why bother going over the speed limit anyhow? Btw, my personal best was just a shade over 1,600mph doing Mach 2.05 at 45,000'--NOW THAT WAS MOVING! ;-)

Ok, bragging doesn't become anyone so I'll pipe down. And out of curiosity, how does that thing protect you from the laser guns, wouldn't it be too late?


Miss B said...

OMG, I am having very NAUGHTY thoughts about you right now... speed is my fantasy... *wink*

dude, is it really awesome? to be in control of something moving so fast? how does it affect you? i want a 500 word essay, double-spaced is fine, and i'll post it coz it's too f~*~ing cool to pass up... hehe

you must feel like a slug in a four-wheeler... buahahaha... but i hear ya! under 65 is a crawl, and 55 just puts me to sleep, big truck or car...

my last ticket was 2003(knock on wood)... but, then again, i don't go anywhere without it. even one mile down the road to the store, coz the sneaky f~*~ers in my town hide close by (i live close to a main drag.)

and yes, laser is pointless. there are things you can do to help circumvent, but really, if they hit ya, you're done.

Gawd, I am so jealous!

Anonymous said...

Well thanks for the naughty thoughts, but as a bald guy in his forties, I'm afraid the reality wouldn't do much for ya!

500 words, I'd have to empty my whole vocabulary! I've often thought about starting a blog to just talk about my flying career, having flown in the AF for over 20 years. As well as other aviation type stuff (pretty much all I know)! But I'm pretty lazy, and after work I'm just not up for typing on the computer. Heck that's what I do at work! So prolly not.

Wonder how come these radar detectors are illegal in some states? Why don't they just have their troopers use the laser guns vs the radar ones?


Anonymous said...

Oh, don't know if there's anything you can do about it, but it's still a pain to comment on your blog. Have found that if I use Anonymous button for my identity, it'll usually work (take a couple tries though). No major deal, but thought you'd like to know. Can't use my blogger ID.

Miss B said...

I don't know what's up with the comments, love, you're the only one left having problems (that I know.) I've been contemplating a move to another site... *sigh* such work, but it's an option.

Radar detectors are illegal in VA (it's posted soon as you go in) and within Washington DC. I'm sure others have been added, but I will have to look those up. They are also illegal in Canada. The OPP are pretty liberal up there, but very cranky if you dial it up too much.

Laser is good, but the farther out you get, the weaker it gets. And it's so high-powered, the bears can only shoot for a second, maybe 2 max. It heats up too fast, so they shoot, and have to cool. Whereas the X, K and Ka bands, have greater bandwidth for longer distances, and most of them you can dial up or down the intensity. I've been right on top of them before it registers (within 1/4 mile) and I've met them 5-7 miles apart and heard them every mile of the way. On a straightaway, no traffic, I've easily, repeatedly picked them up from 3-5 miles out. The best part is the way it's designed, you can "see" around curves and over hills. *swooning* sorry, another joyous memory overcame me... ;)

The VG2 option is good to have as well, especially for truck drivers, as it is a federal violation to have a radar detector in a commercial vehicle. This is basically a radar detector detector detector. You hear that go off, you unplug, slow down and pretend to be playin' with the radio as you drive by hoping they didn't catch it. heh.

Tater, I would LOVE to hear about wonderful flying machines... if ya don't wanna mess with a blog, send it over, I'll post it for ya... ~*~OR~*~ you could be a guest blogger... wouldn't that be cool??

Miss B

Miss B said...

oh... and since I go weak over men in uniforms, and they all seem to have the "bald" look, i think my fantasies are grounded... but out of respect for mrs tater, i shall cease and desist the wantonous thoughts of speed... *sigh*