11 March 2007

I love Stupidity

Ever wonder what people think when they do stupid shit in direct opposition to the stupid shit they already do? Let me explain...

We know I've started the online search for kicks. I don't expect to find Mr Right in a few witty blurbs, all the standard fairy-tale promises and Ward Cleaver cookie cutter copycats who tell me they "like walks in the moonlight on the beach". Personally what I like to do on the beach in the moonlight doesn't involve much walking... hold my interest if you want my attention, ya putz.

Anyhow... I'm now up to 51 "highly compatible matches". Well, kinda.

Number 50 closed the match immediately because of the physical distance. Um, Einstein, YOU set the proximity in which you want to be matched with the woman of your dreams. If being 100 miles away from her is too far to drag your dumb ass for a fleeting moment in time to see if this is your "love of your life", then you do not even deserve me taking the effort to completely close the match. I only do it because it pops up on my screen and aggravates me. Hence, you aggravate me. Click. Gone. Buh-bye.

Number 51 (this is great) closed the match immediately, citing "Because there were no pictures/I couldn't see any pictures." Duh. I've learned to not put my picture out there as a first impression. People make too many assumptions about my hair color and my personality therein. Now, I understand that there has to be a certain physical chemistry. I require it. I also know that a digitally scanned fuzzy-at-points uploaded picture is not going to generate that chemistry. There's more to attraction than the way someone looks. I've said it before and I've lived it. You can be the best-looking guy around, but if you're an ass, you ARE unattractive. The guy that treated me the best, who loved me unconditionally, who felt me, was not the best looking guy I ever went out with. The best looking guy I ever went out with was a pompous asshole who was rude, obnoxious and concerned with making sure he looked "top shelf" all the time. To the exclusion of everyone else in his life. (He was from west Texas, btw. Not that I have anything against people from Texas... just him, but I digress.) Treat me like a queen outside the bedroom and you ARE the king IN the bedroom.

Anyhow, the point I'm coming to with #51 is, that while he immediately closed the match because there were no photos posted of me, he had his photos set to be shared at a later stage. There were no pictures of him either. What a fucknut.

They do allow you to send one last message, for "closure" I suppose. They avail of the following options.:

1) I now have a photo posted. (What it should say is, "I now have a photo posted so you can see what you're missing, but I'm closing this match as well because you are a superficial ass clown and I have no interest in knowing you.") Yea, like I'm gonna put my picture up NOW. If he sees it, falls madly in like with me because of it and magically wants to reopen the match, I have no interest. You have to have more than a pretty face to keep my interest; I expect the same of myself with others.

2) Good luck with your search. (WISSI, "You're a fucken putz and any woman who is stupid enough to continue conversing with you deserves the months of aggravation ahead before she finally grasps firmly with both hands and pulls her head out of her ass.")

3) I really thought we had potential, I'd like you to reconsider. (WISSI, "I'm a stalker, and I love begging people who want nothing to do with me to put us both through misery because I think any form of rejection is a real turn-on.")

4) I think if we met, you would have different feelings about who I am. (WISSI, "I'm a stalker, and I love begging people who want nothing to do with me to put us both through misery because I think any form of rejection is a real turn-on. And if I met you in person, I could either a) blow you, thinking that would make you want to spend Happily Ever After with me or b) blow you away because I don't take rejection well, and of course, you're a guy, so you would let me blow you, then walk away.")

They don't give you an option where you can actually write a free-form message. Which, given my sarcastic nature and frame of mind at the particular moment I get this Closed message, is probably for the best. It still would be fun to have that option open though, wouldn't it?

I've decided to close this match for the following reason:

"I'm sorry, you sound like a whiny, pathetic little man and quite frankly, I need someone who can man up and fuck me like they mean it."

"Based on statements made in your profile, not only are you a fruitloop, but you're a fucking fruitloop."

"I've been independent and self-sufficient for a lot of years, so while your 1950's version of life sounds like a great role play, I would not do well to cater to your every whim and stand silently in the background for any length of time. Time to give the tit back buddy."

:) No finishing school for me... Anyone ever had experience with these sites? What would YOU say (or would you have said) to someone given the chance to express your TRUE feelings?

Click. Closed. buh-bye.
Miss B


Pixie said...


*gasp, giggle, snort*

OMG - you are fucking hilarious.

Miss Behavin said...

a high compliment... thank you