24 March 2007

Bent... but not Broken...

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad
You get strong
Wipe your hands
Shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given
before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend
till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad
You get strong
Wipe your hands
Shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad
You get strong
Wipe your hands
Shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
~Rascal Flatts
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

*groaning* when will I learn??? Spending 5 hours on a cool, rainy, foggy morning dropping/hooking trailers is fun, IN THEORY. *pop a couple ibuprofen, make a conscious effort to stand up straight*

Actually, it WAS fun, except for the sprained ankle and pulled shoulder. Cutie-but-not-Hottie-Warehouse-Manager showed up and "helped" me unhook a trailer - bonus. Of course, I was wearing a hat, my hair was frizzy from the rain and I didn't have a lot of makeup on - say none - because I was going to be dropping/hooking trailers and was not expecting CBNHWM to show up! *sigh* I had a whole other post all about my day, and in true style I lost it while trying to make changes to the appearance. Stupid Blogs. Sorry folks, I don't have the energy to redo that one...

Wandering stiffly around the house, I realize that I am not 18 anymore. Hell, I'm not even 21 or 25 anymore... I am *gasp* getting old. One foot in the grave, barely able to shuffle along, I'll soon be sitting in the park, feeding birds and talking aimlessly to myself, yelling at strangers to watch out for my friend Harvey, whom only I can see.
On your knees you look up

Ok, maybe not. Yet. *sigh* This exaggeration brought to you courtesy of ANOTHER birthday looming soon and the all-consuming thoughts that abound.

~ I'm a year older.
~ I'm still alone.
~ My children will be grown soon and all I'll have is Fifth Wheel. (my cat).
~ I am at a company that I like, doing a job I don't.
~ I'm still chubby.
~ I'm still short (yea, don't see THAT one changing).
~ I have few friends - My choice - if you don't let them in, they can't hurt you.
~ The majority of the people I speak to on a daily basis are those whose voices I have never heard.
~ I'm drifting along without purpose or reason, and I'm not sure what to do.
~ I am sad, and no one knows.
~ I have always defined myself by my work, put everything I had into it and I am no longer doing what I love. Therefore, I do not know who I am.
~ I have put my life on hold for so many others for so long, I'm not sure how to live it anymore.
~ I surround myself with unavailable people. I have recently made this discovery.
~ I do not have any one place where I feel "at home" and comfortable.
Decide you've had enough

Am I thankful for what I have? Sure. Most of the time... albeit sometimes sarcastically.

~ My children are healthy, with minds that work.
~ I have a job - sometimes the only reason I get out of bed.
~ I can support myself and my children (barely) and their dad because he's a lazy pos... I digress.
~ I have some focus things that keep me from losing my mind.
~ I have "internet friends" to whom I speak frequently; this helps with perspective, gives me a lifeline, shows me constant new learning challenges.
You get mad
You get strong
Do I have the power to change these? Yes
Do I have the will to change these? Yes
Am I afraid? No
Wipe your hands
So what is the f~*$!# problem, Miss Behavin? Don't care.

Shake it off
And there it is... how does one go about caring about one's self, after years of not?

...then you stand

2 comments:

Pixie said...

Good question. Share the wisdom when you figure it out... there are many of us who could benefit from that kind of knowledge.

* deep sigh *

Miss Behavin said...

you got it, babygirl... every once in awhile, i think i'm on the edge of understanding it... then *poof* it vaporizes into nothingness...

*HUGS*
Miss B