21 November 2006

Why is Life Scary???

So here I am, single woman, 3 nearly grown kids, been holding my own for quite a few years now. Not much scares me. Spiders bother me, but I can deal with them. Bugs just piss me off, can deal with them as well. Not afraid to drive. Ok, little afraid to fly and ride in a vehicle with anyone OTHER than me driving. I survive. I don't have issues meeting new people. I can entertain myself for hours with a good book or a puzzle. I'm not afraid to be alone. I have a little niche.
So why is change scary? I took the leap and got my CDL. Then I overcame hesitations and went across the border. (Believe me, you want to be nervous? Get pulled around at a scalehouse in Canada by the OPP -- makes DOT and Buckeye bears look like wussy girls.) I had children. Now if THAT's not scary, I don't know what it. Like the old saying goes, "People have to have licenses to operate a motor vehicle, but anyone can produce a child." Hmmm. I've changed jobs several times to keep with my goals and beliefs, nothing traumatic about that, eh?
Why is it frightening to realize dreams come true? Not the "Oh I've lost 10 pounds" or "I got a new car" dreams. The ones that are life-altering and intense. The "Finally taking that trip to Ireland" or "I've met someone and now I'm scared to death" ones. Why do we have problems with having the very things that we dream will make our lives complete? Is it the possibility of failure? Is it easier to wish for it and never have it, than to have it and wonder what we're going to do next with our lives?
Yes, we're having one of those days. (By "those" I mean I'm in a foul mood, pondering certain events, possibly having one of those life altering things happen and beating myself up because it should feel good.) So where do I go from here?
I do like I always do -- I pick myself up, figure out what it is that I truly want from life, and like I said before, get my silly ass out there and discover LAK.
More on this later... I'm not ready to share yet.

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