Exercise IS Futility

Greetings all... as you know, I am keen on self-improvement in all aspects of my life. (Except of course my addiction to chocolate, which will NEVER change because I refuse to give up one of the few sources of complete momental joy in this otherwise crappy existence which has been bestowed upon us.)

So this year as I passed my 29th birthday (shut up) for the umpth time, I have tried to make a conscious effort to improve myself. I have decided to break it down into simple, finite areas because as many of you are painfully aware, organizing and structuring everything in my general path has been my life's pattern. I'm a student of structure; I must have it or I veer precariously over the edge of insanity. (Ask my poor kids -- how many arguments have I had with them over not pulling the shower curtain all the way closed when done or rolling the toothpaste tube from the bottom?) Incidentally, that was the only argument I ever had with Lacey's dad (the toothpaste tube) -- he still laughs about it today. But, I digress...

That said, let's look at where I've been over the last year....

Health Habits

Let's start with not smoking... one would think it would have been easier than this. However, I find I'm able to put my crack pipe down with less tragedy. I do well some days, not so much the others. I was down to one a day. It just seemed a shame to let the rest of the pack go to waste, what with the cost of purchase these days. Then of course, SOMETHING would happen, and shoot me back up to 3-5 a day. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but you should feel the buzz when you get used to NOT having it... ;) Anyhow, the world is a safer place when I'm smoking. However, I'm choosing not to so wish me luck. I hear eventually the cravings will go away.

Eating habits... oy vey... I've always been conscious about my salt intake, starting back in junior high. Why, I don't know. Just one of those things. I use salt substitutes when possible, and try to go easy on it when there's none available. I went through a period of carrying salt sub in my purse but really, people DO look at you strange when you pull a small canister out of your handbag in a busy eaterie. I've not yet reached that age where I just don't care what people think.

Working with the 4 food groups (cheese, chocolate, bread and pasta) makes this task just a bit more difficult. Throw in holidays, outings with the girlfriends and "occasional" bouts of PMS (shut up) and it's a cinch that I'll have to work out 17 hours a day just to maintain. Yep, get right on that.

Exercise -

I've been trying to work myself back up to actually "working out". It is a process. It is not an easy process. I think back on the days when I used to work out 2-3 hours a day. I had no children. I had what barely passes for a job. I had 34" hips and no stomach. No, you can not know what they are now. The goal is to get back to the size I was after I had my third child. I know that there is no way in hell I'll get back to the size I was in high school. I just don't want to work that hard. I'm waiting for the curvy look to come back... tap tap tap. Is it here yet?

Gazelle - Cardio wonder or secret torture chamber?

I love my Gazelle; it, however does not love me. It laughs at me every time I step on, and continues to taunt me as I run. We have a love/hate relationship. It loves to show me how much it hates me.

Tae Bo = Torn Knee

Ok, I admit, I bought into the TaeBo series. The promises of firm muscles and improved cardio sucked me in against my better judgement. I had 9 years of dance, baton, gymnastics, sports and a couple early years of cheerleading. I'm not afraid of being physical. I am, however, at that age where I AM afraid of tearing a hamstring. Tell me why I can drive for 37 hours with no sleep, climb in a hopper wagon, hang from a single string with one arm and sweep out the hopper with the other, or climb on top of a tank and flip lids with little problem, but I cannot get past the intro tape where they show you the basic Tae Bo moves? *ponder this for a moment - come up with no logical reason - head back to the Gazelle*

Moving on...

Emotional

Forming connections with friends and family

I have never been one to run with a large group. In school I had a very few close friends and after we went our separate ways, I learned easily how to NOT trust people.

I have a small family (1 brother w/ wife and 3 kids, and 3 kids myself). There were a number of years I wasn't as close to them as I would have liked. We have since mended fences and I wouldn't trade them for the world! My niece and nephews are the bomb! They think I'm a pretty cool aunt (I am) and I think they're an absolute joy! I get to give them all the noisy stuff and sugar just like my brother did for mine. Goes around comes around! :) Love you guys!

I've been divorced longer than I was married. One or two interests here and there, but it's difficult when you're used to taking care of yourself to "let" someone be there for you. I also know that I am finally ready to find the one that makes my heart smile. So I'm slowly reaching out and letting people in. Never easy, but if it were easy it wouldn't be worth the end result. I won't settle for less than the best for me, and so the search goes on.

I've also reached out to a wonderful organization, Soldiers' Angels. I have been touched in such a way that I was reminded why it is so much better to give than receive. SA came along at a time when I needed some focus in my life, and the rewards have been plentiful. See "Meet my Heroes".

Intellectual

I love to work puzzles, math problems and am constantly reading, thinking and trying to keep the old noggin from going stale. I have recently found a couple things that are doing that for me...

Computer Programming - Actually, I've had a degree in computer programming since 1993, and spent many years programming, networking and building computers. I've been out of it for about 7 years now, but the skills have come in handy over the years. In blogging, I've had the chance to get back to some of those and work with my source code and add a couple cool things. It's not rocket science, I know, but it is definitely a challenge going back and reading the code.

Sparring with Fluwten - And let's not forget my dear Canuckian foul blogger, Fluwten McGunch. (No, I did not make that up.) See my blurb "Intellectually Challenged". He keeps me entertained during my search for Mr Right.

Spiritual

I've also found the older I get, the more I've turned to God to guide me through. It was not a part of my past relationships, and I absolutely require that special someone to share it with me. How can you uphold vows that were made before God if you don't live them with God?

Overall, I'm in a good place. I'm transitioning again, and I feel some good changes coming on!