17 May 2008

memorable days...

Ok, so I've been "dating." By dating, I mean going out repeatedly with Mr M, talking on the phone occasionally and chatting during the day several days a week before he goes into work when I'm on lunch. By repeatedly, I mean 1-2 times a month physically hanging out for about the last 4 months.

In all this time, it's been understood that we are not exclusive. He has always been open about the fact that he has lots of "friends", who happen to be female. His myspace page is testament to that. He talks about looking for a serious relationship, but it wasn't to that point. Good company, good conversation, and yes, good sex. And realistically, I haven't been turning down movie invitations from others, either.

So he comes my way to hang out at the mall, catch a movie and spend some time together. I notice he's being a bit odd. By odd, I mean quiet, reserved, not as amused as usual.

We're back at the house, checking stuff out on ebay, talking, and he tells me he has something to let me know. Here it comes... I figured he's decided it's too far a distance, or he's just not interested in anything serious or long-term. So I listen patiently as he talks about a dinner he went to with one of his "friends" a couple weeks back. When I talked to him on the phone previously, he told me about the restaurant, how the service was lousy, yada yada yada. Totally benign stuff. Well, this was different. He was intimate with her for a short time about 6 months ago. It passed, and they chit-chat and catch an occasional dinner or movie, but hadn't been together physically since before the holidays. No biggie, right? Well, not exactly.

"You know I am about using protection with anyone until I know there's no reason to?"


"Well, we did. She hadn't been with anyone for several years, and I asked her if it was still necessary, and she told me no."



"She has herpes."

*head swimming*
*blood rushing through ears*

He could see it coming. "Wait a minute."


"I didn't want to tell you this on the phone, but our schedules haven't worked til now. I wanted to make sure you knew this. But the thing is, she just told me."


"She said that at the time we were together, she wasn't having an outbreak, and hadn't had for awhile. And she said she knew I wouldn't want to be with her if I knew, just like the others."

*begin rant*

What a piece of shit. OMFG. How stupid is this person? And she would think you'd want to be with her NOW???

*end rant*

He was pissed at her. I don't blame him. I would be too if someone purposely lied to me about that. She only told him now because she's been trying to get him to have sex with her again, and she's having an outbreak because she's having "personal issues" (read: drama) in her life. She's beyond a fucknut. She is a rancid piece of whoreflesh who needs fucking stabbed. *breathe*

"She knew and didn't tell you? What the hell is wrong with her? She put you and anyone else at risk. And if she lied about herpes, what else is she lying about?"

"Exactly. I know. I can't believe it. I've been wanting to talk to you about it, but our schedules haven't mixed. I didn't want to tell you this over the phone. I've been to the doctor, he gave me information about it, and I've been tested. I should be getting the results back this week."

"Well, I appreciate you letting me know. At least now I can talk to my gyno and make sure I get tested. I'm sure it was difficult. "

"It's very difficult. I wanted you to know; I felt it was only right. And not just because of that. I don't go around sleeping with a bunch of women unprotected, and I'm pretty sure you're not bangin' anyone else. But, and this is going to make me sound bad, but you know how it is. I hang out with other friends, and if you and I don't see each other for a month or so, God this is going to sound bad, but I may see one or two of my other friends, and we have sex. But I am always careful to use something with them."


Ok. I knew he had dinner, went to movies, shopping, etc with other women. We didn't go into great detail about other stuff, and I'm not a casual type person, but my stupid ass is just old-fashioned enough to think that having sex with someone meant a bit more than just going out on a date. And I'm not saying it was love, because we were far from that. After Captain Crazy, I learned not to put the heart out very easily.

*stomach turning*

Great. So, do I be pissed at him? For what reason? Because I'm a dumbass? He told me. He didn't have to, although it would have been morally and ethically wrong. Just like that stupid cunt who did not tell him because she was "afraid he wouldn't want to go out with her anymore."

Wrong. What she was afraid of was that he wouldn't have sex with her anymore. What is it with people these days? It's like they're looking to hook up with as many people as they can and solid committment is a non-issue.

And now that the rose-colored glasses have been ripped from my eyes, it is extremely clear from his conversation, the locations of the women he dates, his webpage, and the skanky messages that all the women in his little harem leave on it that he has no intentions of being serious with anyone at this point. He's having too much fun getting strange every week or so to consider anything other than occasional hookups.

Not my thing.

So do I create an account on his webpage server so I can leave a message about how this bitch of a skank has herpes and anyone who's been with him should be tested? Juvenile, I know. But so fucking tempting.

So after reviewing seven ways to kill someone without getting caught and regressing back to pre-therapy days, I put her out of my mind and moved forward. I checked out webmd, found out some information and know what to tell the doc when I go in. Um, yea, I am. Just 'coz someone tells me they did it, no longer means I believe it. Have I seen a signed affidavit that says so? No. Thankyouverymuch. Valtrex, anyone?

So I see him online from work and we chit chat a bit. I, with my warped sense of humor, make an offhand remark to something being as bad a bad bout of herpes. He was unamused. He finds nothing funny about either my comment, or the other woman who chose to not share on purpose. Can't help it. See the humor, or die a miserable, sour, jaded piece of flesh. I choose to be amused. Some days it's the only thing that gets me through.

So meanwhile, he tells me he's called his doc, and that the tests came back negative. Absolutely nothing. Fabulous. Hopefully mine will as well. As we all know, symptoms are different in men and women, and I've been compulsive about my sexual health up til now. I preach it to my kids. How sad that I have been a bad example. I feel so dirty.

Sorry kids, you truly do not know someone, even if you've slept with them. There should be so much more there than good times before you trust someone with your personal health. Nobody is going to watch out for you; you must watch out for yourself...
Sonofabitch. I actually LIKED him.

And now, for the REST of the story.... but to get there, you must go here... and to do this, you must have the key... contact me for one. These are rare.

Have a great weekend all... and stay safe.


miss b


Wien. said...

Yikes. I've gotta think on this one before I comment more.

~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ said...

Okay... I thought the worst thing in all the world had happened to me this week... and in fact, may still be happening, but now...

Thank you for the reality check.

Please email me... or don't - your call, just know that you deserve more than this "dating / hook up / wtf ever" thing... and this is why I am in love with a convict. *snort* (sorry, had to throw that in there... yannow...)

I love you.

Miss B said...

wien... i think i took it well at the beginning... the longer i thought about it the more pissed i am at that woman. she should be prosecuted or something. it's illegal to knowingly infect someone with aids, why not knowingly subjecting someone to any other std? i'm thinking of a word, start with a c, ends with a t. yes, today she is a cunt.

pixie, doll, i was thinking the same thing about your situation... does he have any buddies? *grin* love you.

Wien. said...

Yunno, Dwight pulled the same crap on me once. It was pre-marriage. It was one of those conversations that began, "Oh, and by the way, remember that girl..." Arrg. Probably why I'm at a lack for words and have too many at the same time. Guess I just don't know where to start, but I feel for you. Been there, done that. Speaking of "Oh, and by the way," may I please have a key?

Miss B said...

Wien, honey, email me and i shall let you pass... :) i no longer have your email; i thought i did.

miss b

Wien. said...

I'm in the same boat. I thought I had yours too. If you're comfortable with this suggestion, you could give me your email address by leaving it as a comment for my blog. All comments are moderated, so it would not show up on the blog, but I could get it that way. Wadda think?