Well, today was the beginning of the annual golf outing that my company hosts every year. Our customers come in from all over the US to take part in the 3 day event.
Ok, technically 1 day, but we start the afternoon before when they start arriving at the office, followed by a casual dinner thrown at the golf club. Next day is all day golf, tee time 9:30. Then a more formal dinner that night where awards are given. Day 3 is more visits from the customers before they return to their companies.
Today was day 1.
I wasn't going to go. I'm not much of a social butterfly. I can hold my own in casual conversation, but I tend to get a bit nervous around other bigwigs from our customers' companies. Not that I am intimidated really, but my sense of humor and my demeanor are quite at odds with each other, and I feel I don't measure up professionally. I would just hate to do or say something that would embarrass the company. My boss told me I'd be fine, but I just get this sense that I am not "professional." It's strange. Must be the hippie mom handed down.
Anyway, it's not like I chew with my mouth open, or talk with it full, or lick my fingers (unless I'm trying to get the attention of a little cutie-but-not-hottie) which, to my surprise and disgust, some of the more "distinguished" members of our organization did. Hmm. Maybe I am moving up.
I knew most of the folks there, and was introduced to many more that I talk to on the phone but had not yet seen. *mental note - be cold towards the 2 sales guys who apparently didn't think I was good enough to introduce me to their wives*
Chit-chat went well enough. Dinner was pleasant enough. Sat with folks from my company and a couple of their spouses. One of the spouses used to live just down the road from me and my ex. I'd seen him, never his wife. Was pretty funny because I've worked with her for a couple years now and never realized it. Heh.
Anyhow, we're finishing up dinner, having fun talking, and the HR guy (who's had "A" beer - shock 'coz he usually doesn't) made a passing comment about my age. Actually, it was "Oh my God!" Yea, thanks buddy, you WILL be tortured for the rest of the week over that one. He took it well, because of course, I used it to my advantage all evening. ;)
Then, and THEN, as I was up at the dessert table looking at the brownies, my boss looks at me and says, "You don't need that."
"Excuse me?" *you rancid piece of shit... wtf gives you the right to tell me that?*
"I mean, I know I don't need it, so you don't either."
Some days. So I smile at him, take the brownie (carmel frosted with pecans and chocolate slivers) and take my old, fat ass back to the table where Benji the Scalemaster is regaling everyone with drunken tales of past fun.
A bit later, I go up to refresh my drink (diet soda - no, not because of the boss' remark... because a DUI is detrimental to my making a living, I try to drink sugar free stuff, and because alcohol interacts with my BP medicine, making me violently ill) and I'm chitchatting with the owner's wife. Very lovely lady.
Next thing I know I hear this strange sound and something sprays all over the back of my legs and the front of her legs. We look over and there's her son and grandson just laughing their asses off. We were in a field house of sorts, enclosed with screens, and the water sprinkler had kicked on. They saw it, and my boss' wife was going to go out and shut it off and they told her no, thinking it was just me who would get sprayed through the screen - they couldn't see her. Wasn't so funny when they found out the matriarch of the family was in the direct line of fire. Putzes.
So back to the table, a bit more talking, then it was time to go. One of the higher-ups from our largest customer was there, and I have a pretty good repoire with him. I was wishing him luck for the next day... told him to shoot low, and if not, drink heavily. He laughed and said he'd see me on Thursday and we parted ways.
Driving home, the sun was finally disappearing, cool night air blowing through my hair, music playin'... my favorite place to be.
Well, I didn't embarrass the company; I was able to maintain conversation, and a good time was had by all.
And at precisely 8:01 am, I shall commence retribution on the HR guy... ;)