14 May 2007

A Little Bit of Crazy...

Ok, karma rolls around again. The old place where I was let go by the no-longer VPOS is now looking for someone to do my old job. (which, btw, they have not yet replaced. heh.) So, my old supervisor tells the new Dir of Ops about this great woman "who would be perfect. She is smart, articulate, knows the transportation industry and even has a CDL. She worked here once before and was terminated for whatever reason, all depends on who you ask, but she had the respect of the dispatchers and would be a true asset." God luv ya, M, you are my best friend. Whether or not I would actually go back; well, that's not a line of thinking I'm prepared to delve into quite yet.

And my daughter. My oldest daughter. The one who is just like me (thanks ma.) *point to ponder: why can't the parents' curse work the opposite way??? where the kid can tell the parent one day you'll have parents just like YOU?* Anyhow, she gets excited about stuff easily. By excited, I mean freaked out, out of control, screaming at me on the phone (one of the surest ways to piss me off) excited when things get beyond her scope of control. Senioritis has set in and she's losin' it. So she messages me later, saying sorry. I don't answer. I'm pissed. You just don't talk to your mother that way. So she calls. Yes I got the message. No I have nothing to say right now. Hanging up because I'm not on my free minutes yet.

She walks in the door a little while later, starts telling me about her day. We end up out on the veranda talking about where she's going, where I've been, how she just wants life to cut me a break (hey, that's 2 of us hon) and what a POS her father is and how he could do that to us over all these years.... some people are just that way, kiddo, welcome to life. We talk about when I was graduating school (she's seen the plaque on the wall with the list of "Students of Excellence" with my name on it, pointed it out to her friends,) how I was voted most likely to succeed, *snort* and how she thinks I am a success because I did what I had to do and kept it together for them (all the kids), got her through 2 years of drug addiction, alcohol issues and general not giving a shit about life. Wow. I kinda like my grown-up daughter. She sees more than even I sometimes give her credit for, and she is actually more politically savvy than I am. Which, really, isn't a stretch, but she's aware. Cool. And she has plans, and dreams, and enough brains behind her, and more supportive people in her life that I believe she will be much more successful than I ever dreamed of being. Heh. Maybe I did do something right.

And work. While better, still boring. Working on the degree in Logistics to give me a better edge. I like transportation. I like the trucking industry. One day, I hope they actually give me some more responsibility. I liked being the department manager of dispatch at the other job. It was a challenge. This is not. Not yet. So the mind goes a million miles an hour. Would I go back? More money, more my type of job. Walk away from a $40 million a year company who will most likely be around in 30 years, to a $12 million a year company that most likely won't? Argh. No more has come of it, I will stop thinking of it. Too much fluff for the brain.

Classes... moving along swiftly... down to the last 2 weeks. Done with all my assignments except the final in one; have one more big paper to turn in before the exam in my other. I'm already plotting out the courses for next semester. *sigh* More electives. Blah. But necessary 'til I decide if I'm going to pursue the Logistics or Business Admin degree... I know logistics. Eh, I pretty much know Admin. Maybe I'll just do what I secretly wanted to do all along and just get the degree in Intelligence. It's my bag. But really, no military career, would it be a waste? I wanted to mix the Logistics/Intelligence stuff and open my own private government carrier company. Can I do it?

Head. Spinning. I miss Captain Crazy. He would let me snuggle up to him, rub his belly (that was my favorite) and he would pat my hair. My head would stop spinning, the world was right, and I've never found another who could do that. Jesus, Miss B, it's been 5 fucking years. *better to have loved and lost...* bull. shit.

Graduation 11 days and counting.... 5K Walk/Run this Saturday in Cincinnati... Graduation party in 3 weeks... Imminent move within the next couple months... Father who has asked me to come live with him because the Parkinson's is getting severe and he needs help. I can't even speak of it now. Of course, he's my Dad. dy. Daddy. Always. And I'm his little girl; he told me so. He told me he loved me on the phone yesterday when he called to wish me Happy Mother's Day... he's not one to say that. He's very much a realist; a man of few sentimental words. When he tells me he needs me, and loves me, I know it's true. And so a new chapter begins in life... and I wonder when it will finally get to be MY life?

Maybe I'm the one with Senioritis...

Miss B

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