26 March 2007

Focus on the Mission...

no time for Deja Vu... he's gone... it's not him... stop.

This past week, I had the pleasure of being introduced to another Hero through my duties as a Team Leader for the Letter Writing Team with
Soldiers' Angels. Nothing new, always fun because I love my Heroes.

This one is different.

*What is going on here?*

He answered my email, and was chatty and forthcoming about himself. Just Like Jeffery. He answered every response, gave me his chat username in case he got a chance to get on. JLJ . I include him in my list of chat "buddies" and don't think much about it til I see a message pop up from him, and his picture. So we commence to chatting for a bit, and it strikes me, hard, that I have been here before.

He's so very similar, it's disturbing. Looks (although they ALL look somewhat alike with that haircut!) ;) The way he speaks, types, sends "smiley" faces and "stuff" in his messages. The things he likes, the questions he asks. It's unnerving.

He's in A-stan, where specifically is not my business. He's not a Combat Medic - thankfully. Not that any job any of them do is more or less important or dangerous than anyone else's. He does have several capacities, one including being a gunner. *sigh* He's younger than Jeffery and myself, but really, when all is said and done, age is not important in the scheme of things.

An indefinable sadness washes over me today as I'm chatting with this new friend of mine. Memories of not-so-long-ago conversations come creeping into my thoughts. The threat of tears presses at the back of my eyes and the bottom of the lump in my throat.

*I still miss talking to him*

Where did this come from? I had pushed him back, down, away from my head, my heart, my life after he made his choices. You're right Pumpky Wumpky, sometimes it just comes from out of nowhere and hits you, hard. I've lived this through Captain Crazy. I still have memories, but they are not the all-consuming, can't breathe, heart breaking all over again vicious memories that used to render me half-catatonic. I have finally gotten to the point where I can go the majority of the day without something consciously reminding me of him. Sometimes even 1-2 days without really thinking of him. The only one who was able to quell his upsetting tendrils of memories was Jeffery. Maybe THAT'S what I miss, the fact that he let me not miss Captain Crazy anymore and find that there are others out there I can love.

Nah, there was more to it than that.

Anyhow... back to the mission, Miss Behavin. You have a new Hero who needs your time and words to help pass the time and keep HIS mind on the mission. Focus. Breathe. It is not Jeffery. You have a whole new person to discover.



Miss B

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