30 November 2006

Contemplating the Future...

Over the last couple weeks, my future has been presented to me in a new way. In speaking with someone special, I've been nurtured, encouraged and supported to share my hopes, dreams, goals and desires. If that's not something to set your head spinning, I don't know what would.

I'm now looking at starting a new LAK, returning to school, travelling, and sharing this with that someone special. Where did this come from? 3 months ago I was not even contemplating anything more extraordinary than going to the company Christmas party happening. Now my mind is spinning, my heart is racing and I'm filled with an overall sense that my life is headed in a new, better direction.

The need is there, the want is there, the plans are there, the options to pursue these are there. The only question left is: is the courage there? Do I continue as I am in a so-so existence that's comfortable yet not comforting. Do I move forward, accept the changes, and possibly realize my life's dreams? Am I capable? Yes. Am I prepared? I can be in a very short time. Am I ready?

And therein lies the final step in my journey towards fulfillment and peace. Are we ever really "ready" to let someone in to the deep, dark, untouched places in our hearts and minds? What if we disappoint? What if they don't accept, let alone understand? Are they able to handle whatever curve life throws and still remain true to the overall picture of the elusive happy ending?

I stopped reading fairy tales a long time ago. I didn't read them to my kids. I wanted them to have a fair shot at life with open minds and a willingness to experience life without the expectations that we often find ourselves falling short. Suddenly, the fairy tale doesn't seem so vapid. It winds closer to fiction based on true life. I'm not ready to admit they come true. Not yet. This certainly is a change from Not Ever.

So am I ready? Absolutely. Am I ready to share? Not yet. :)

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